The Next Step

“The only thing we have to fear is fear itself” – FDR – First Inaugural Address, March 4, 1933

I hope ya all had a great weekend; mine was not so peachy. Between nursing food poisoning and an icky migraine, I also had to go to jail.

Photo by JOPHIELsmiles

Well, not for any law I broke actually. And you thought I was cool. Pssh.

I got a rude call early Saturday morning from a friend who got caught drinking and driving. After bailing her out with another one of our mutual friends, I returned home only to succumb to the attack of the stomach bug and laid in bed for the rest of the day.

Some semblance of sanity woke me up at a glorious 6.15am ( thank you Daylight Savings! ). I put on my stout Vibram Fives, went on a refreshing morning hike/amateur bouldering expedition, and came back to 7 missed phone calls.

The rest of this story I can’t tell because it involves 3 minors whom I love dearly, but suffice to say, I spent my Sunday morning in fraught. And the whole of Monday explaining and apologizing to various parties about my Saturday MIA.

But what I’ve come to realize..is how much I love people. I really do love people now.

Oh I know it sounds silly but I LIKE MY FELLOW HUMAN BEINGS A LOT ! Enough to run to their aid in the middle of the night and do ungodly things for them on a Sunday morning and beat up my body again for them on Monday.

It’s funny, I never used to like people. I remember being such a loner in high school; mostly keeping the company of dusty frayed books.I remember feeling somewhat sub-human and there are days where I return to that state of uncertainty.

But I did a mental count last night on how many people I’d gladly offer help or cash to, no questions asked and was extremely staggered by the number. I even drew up some calculations as well and as far as my elementary math could show me; I’ve made a 210% increase in my social circle within the past 4-5 months.

Photo by WoodleyWonderworks

This either means :

A) I was a real recluse before.

B) This could hypothetically be a side effect of I180 and having to do all this shit to scare myself everyday.

C) That new perfume the bestie gave me worked. Pheromones anyone?

What do you think???? Should I do a poll? Just for old times’ sake?

Well, anyhoo, after the turmoil of this weekend. I’ve managed to compile up to Initiative#50 and it’s on the top bar of my page, very noticeable. When you feel nostalgic for my crazy ass schemes, do go there and leaf through.

I’ll be updating that page of course until Initiative #120 ( Sorry, sorry, sorry I meant to have it done by today!!!! ) and as a little ‘extra’, I think I’ll compile a “Best of Initiative180 Blog” too. Only it really should be called Initiative120 but meh. My therapist would say that I’m doing my best.

Part of me still feels guilty for closing this blog down. You can read the catalyst for that decision here and berate me to death in the blogsphere after if you so wish.

To be clear, I’m not giving up on I180, it has never crossed my mind. This fear challenge has become almost routine now; I don’t really know what I’m going to do when it ends.

Many of you have approached me directly after reading the Epilogue and I’m so touched. Nothing makes me feel more loved than to know that people care.

Thank you for reading this, thank you for supporting me, thank you for contributing your energy and light to making my life more bearable.

I really want to do something to thank you more personally than to just acknowledge your contributions here; could you guys email me your postal addresses so I can personally handwrite each and every one of you a handwritten thank you card? I write great thank you cards!!!

A very wise teacher once told me, it’s not the end that we fear, it’s the beginning.

Do stay tuned for

A) Entertaining stories of my therapist. She’s quite the fodder for poking fun at; I probably should tell her that I’m writing about her.

B) More of my dance revelations.

C) More ‘do one thing that scares you everyday’ stories and my takes on Fear.

D) My new vegan journey.

E) My moans about the cultural divide, the fiascos of journalism, and all things that frame discrimination.

F) How I like my self – imposed boycott. This should be really entertaining!!! ( see now I sound desperate…)

www.inpursuitofnuances.tumblr.com

yours in gratitude for the memories and for being part of this crazy journey,

xoxo, steph