Primal Scream.
Initiatives of the Week
Sort out my life.
Sort out my life.
Sort out my life.
Sort out my life.
Sort out of my life.
SORT OUT MY LIFE.
I’ve never been in this place of uncertainty before. I’m trudging along with Life, smiling, happy at times, but always wondering and skeptical and…disappointed.
I have no idea what I’m doing right now. I’m goaless, directionless, irresponsible, zapped out of all energy to redo my Keynote presentation that just took me 5 hours to do but did not think for 5 seconds to save it.
I can’t even cry. My tears are dried up with exhaustion for now. I’m mildly amused by the idea of depressing myself, and cutting class tomorrow, and disappointing all the world but me and lying safe under the covers.
But unfortunately I need to grow up and out of this funk phase I’m in. If only obligations to educate myself were just that.
On the Bright Side…there is no bright side.
Initiative #50:
My caffeine post was about me avoiding caffeine. It worked. For the first 48 hours.
My caffeine detox gave me such headaches I had to take more coffee to make up for the precious hours I wasted nursing the pain. Verdict: I’m an Epic Fail and Caffeine Addict.
Initiative #51:
I confessed how I really felt about a good friend’s recent hook up slash snobbish jerk of a boyfriend. I’m usually super supportive, almost to the point of obsessiveness. And I’m also the friend who lets her friends make grievous mistakes simply because she wasn’t brave enough to tell them her real opinion, ideas, or thoughts.
Instead, this time I let my words fly and honesty rip her relationship apart. And I got the worst possible kind of response: The silent treatment. At this point, I don’t even care.
Hey, at least I was honest. What’s worse – losing her trust or letting her lose her sanity over some stupid punk who calls her fat?
God I hate men.
Initiative # 53:
I burned 2 platters of brownies tonight. And I’ve slept less than 12 hours over the past 4 days. Oh I stayed up all night on Sunday too.
But my 3rd batch…was surprisingly gorgeous. And tasty too.
Initiaive #54 – 60
Please let me sort my life out. I’ve been dreading this but I got 2 timely wake up calls and I just need to find some sense of direction now. My old one frankly…sucked.
What the hell was I doing????? Going through life with momentary sparks but no lasting impact?
Comments
I wish there was an easy answer to this one. I have been going through a similar situation lately and I can’t seem to come to any conclusions. The only thing I can say is that after you get out of bed in the morning, the rest seems to follow whether you like it or not, so setting a positive attitude first thing and hoping for the best is all you can do. If it doesn’t work today, tomorrow could always be better. Other than that, there is always meditation. Just know that there are other people dealing with the same thing and that you have people who care about you.
Having a tough time? Life stuff always seems huge when it’s all in your face like that. But how important will this week look in a month? or a year? or 10? You probably wont even remember it. Goalless? ~ that’s okay. Irresponsible? enjoy it
You don’t have to figure out your whole life this weekend. There’s nothing you need to prove. There’s nothing you need to get done. There’s no decision so important it can’t wait. Nothing is more important than how you feel right now. So stop punishing yourself. Try taking the world off your shoulders for a moment and see how it feels. Learn to let it go.
And read this, it changed my life this week:
http://www.inspirationandchai.com/Regrets-of-the-Dying.html
We are so alike, you and I.
Hey Lach, I’m sorry for this awfully late reply. I’ve been thinking about your comment, along with some other great slices of wisdom I’ve gotten recently. And it’s helped, it really has. Thank you.
The answer to how important this week will look? Very. I might not remember the specific time or day but I will remember how I felt during this pivotal point and what I did to help me through it. I still run away when I face disaster, or even milder moments of self doubt.
Thank you for reading my blog and for hearing me out. Nothing is more heartening than that.
I’m glad I’m a lot better off now than I was before too. Thank you.
I know it seems important now. But in time to come ~ sooner than you think ~ it will fade away and your only recollection will be to wonder how you could ever have been so obsessed with such minutia. Your triumphs you will remember for a long time. But the fears and doubts you will eventually outgrow and when you do they will seem trifling and insignificant. If you feel you are at a crossroads now, that can be an exciting time. But don’t let it intimidate you. The truth is that any moment in your life can become a pivotal moment when you find the courage to embrace change. Don’t fret. There’s no shortage of opportunities to become who you’re destined to be.