The Jet Black Crow’s Ashes

Either I’m just socially inapt or I just bloody fucking don’t deserve to be in society.

because I don’t seem to understand, as much as I try, how to ‘act’, how to ‘be’. just..uRgH.

this constant zone of loneliness makes me even more vulnerable and defensive, a far cry from who I hope to be some day. I cannot seem to return love and understand how to deal with things that I do not know.

I don’t understand inconsideration; even the air seems bloody superficial now.

even my profanity is pathetic. melancholy at best.

either way, put me down now. tonight I completely blew up. the last straw on my back was provoked by a chocolate cupcake.

ha, ironies. A vegan chocolate banana peanut cupcake no less. And I slammed doors at least a dozen times, poured my sobbingly furious energy into tearing up kale, and roasting various veggie victims to hell in a 500 degree oven.

The numerous supplements I’m taking can’t help me get to sleep. I dream of red Gladys, blue shoes, and a sharp unwielding knife. The tabby colored kitty keeps creeping in with a sneer on her face. I slap at her violently to make her go away but she doesn’t.

The bitterness of this triviality I’m finding hard to swallow. Yes I get upset over the seemingly most trivial of things, but they build up over time and my tolerance only goes so far.

If I could learn how to stop caring, I might be able to find a way out of this morass. And maybe plagiarism would stop. And the ecosystems in my house will start to make sense.

Luckily for me, my stress/anger/frustration dissipates fairly easy. The residue of the eruption I clean the next day.