My Biggest Fears; The Top 9.
I’m used to being scared. Or shying away from things that make me uncomfortable or even mildly unfamiliar; my reasoning is why spend time doing something that would injure/hurt/make me look awful? I’ve even come up with a reaction to mask it – I call it the ‘skeptic snort’.
So here are a list of my top xxx fears. If I ever do the skeptic snort in your presence, give me a good poke. The whole point of this blog is to challenge myself and keep expanding my comfort zone till eventually..it dies away. My hope is to be the Initiative person, a person who takes it upon herself to DO things whether she’s afraid of them or not.
Say your goodbyes Fears; YOU should be scared.
Fear #1 : Fear of Failure.
I’ve a huge fear of failing at things, especially at things that I love like dance, art, writing, and relationships. Sometimes, when I know I’m about to fail at something I run away. Being the coward I am, I rather not attempt something than do it and risk failure. So my goal is take more risks, especially in areas which I love – like making strangers smile 
Fear #2 : Fear of Heights
This isn’t very apparent because I travel a lot by plane and live in a town with an elevation of 5400 feet. And I’ve also attempted to rock climb, go on cable cars, slackline, and do things to get over it.
But I STILL take at least an hour to psych myself up and reassure myself before I attempt any height defying activities. I still feel a flutter of worry when I step into an airplane, I still vehemently refuse to do aerial dance ever again, and I make up every excuse I can when friends invite me to go rock climbing outdoors.
My goal for this is to love being away from the ground and embracing the possibilities of our top space
Urgh..being in the air AND upside down.
Fear #3: Fear of People.
I’m not gonna lie, one of the things that make me most uncomfortable is talking to a stranger. But I’ve been trying to do as much of that as possible to get over it. I’m usually fine if I’m the approacher but if I’m being approached..say hello to my cold shoulder.
I also really hate being in a room full of people I don’t know. I detest being touched by someone whose existence I had no inkling of previously – this is something I’ve been battling with in swing dance and most social dances. ( This is why I adore Google, Facebook, etc. They allow me to find out about someone before I ever meet them and just that knowledge is so COMFORTING ). So my goal is to make as many friends out of strangers as I can (and to direct them to swing dance!!! heehee)
This is me dancing with a stranger. See Steph? Not that bad.
Fear #4: Fear of Being Upside Down
I think this all stems from my personal insecurity issues but I really really really really really really dislike being upside down. Dude, I’ve spent so much time trying to be the right side up, why would I want to change all that? Yogis believe the inversion poses change your personality, help you open up yourself more, etc.
Yea, why would I want that? Why would I want to change myself that way? Bleh. Nevertheless, you will see me attempting a TON of cartwheels, hanging upside down on tree branches (urgh…) handstands, and headstands in this blog.
Unassisted. And in public. I will keep doing it until I figure out what this irrational fear of mine is all about.
Fear #5 : Fear of Revealing Myself
Not gonna lie, I hate revealing who I really am whether it is in my words, in my dancing, etc. I’ve never done a solo self choreographed dance piece or sent something deeply personal for publication, NEVER in all my 20 years of life.
I am a very private person; you cannot possibly fathom how scary blogging is for me because I reveal myself in every word choice, in every post. You could easily dissect who I am based on this blog alone. And I’m not like some big celebrity and all, why would someone want to know who I am and what I’m really like anyway?
That being said: my privacy was of uttermost value to me and I used to reveal who I really was to a only select few. They broke my heart. I withdrew for a while and that didn’t help me. Maybe the more I reveal myself to others, the more I find out about who I really am.
Who wants to do this with me?
Fear #6 : Fear of the new, unfamiliar.
Ha. This is a universal one. Self explanatory. Aren’t we human beings innately conditioned to RESIST change? I must have gotten more of those genes.
Fear #7 : Fear of Dying with Regrets.
Sometimes I wish I believed in reincarnation. But that would probably make me complacent ( not saying that those who believe in reincarnation are complacent, I know some devoted Buddhists who are doing the most amazing things with their lives)
see…I take life for granted. I really do. It’s actually really disgusting how extremely privileged I am and it’s not often that I stop to think: have I really done enough with this body and breath that I’ve been so blessed with? Have I done enough things in my lifetime to be proud of? Who will be there when I’m on my deathbed?
You take nothing to your grave except memories and the satisfaction that you’ve done..enough. I’m scared of dying but I’m even more afraid of having little to show for my life.
** This is a fun little reminder of death…
Fear #8 : Fear of Being Insignificant
This is very much related to Fear #7. I think if anything, I want to leave some sort of contribution, temporary or not. We all want to be remembered, whether it is for the right reasons or not. That’s why I envy my mom; she may not have made history but she made an impact on my life. She’s significant to me, her approval means the world to me, and she means so so much to me.
I honestly don’t know how to work with this fear because I’ve always felt below par, not up to standard, all my life that the very idea of breaking out of that mold..scares me. This fear doesn’t appear very often because I don’t concentrate on it. But in my moments of loneliness where books are my only sources of good conversation, it haunts me. Dying an insignificant being, alone, with a bundle of regrets.
From one of my Fav poems; Melvil's Messy Bedroom. Books are my comfort zone, people...aren't.
Fear # 9: Not recognizing and cherishing Love enough.
Love is possibly the strangest concept to me. I don’t get what love really means and the different forms of love that I’m more familiar with..only confuse me even more. Sometimes I think I’ve found the ‘real’ thing only to be disappointed. The world is my flying carpet. I seem to find love in the strangest of the strange.
I know you can’t wait to help me face my fears…(even though I certainly can). What are some of yours my curiosity asks?
Comments
What a wonderful post. You are showing your beautiful self by sharing your fears with the world. Thank you.
Great list and I think I have the same 9 fears as you. Especially the feeling of being insignificant. I have a desire to really make a mark on this world before I leave it and it doesn’t feel like its going to happen. Hmm…I think I just combined that fear with a regret fear.
Thank you Cindy! I can’t wait to visit your blog too. Are you doing the 31 Problogger Challenge too?
Lol I know, most of our fears are linked but we need to stalk our demons instead of suppressing them. I think you’ll definitely make your mark on this world if you put your mind to it and sometimes well..I’ve learnt to chuck that expectation away for a while.
Funny story: sometimes I sit down at night till the wee hours of the morning trying to figure out how I can do something and scribble this huge To-Do list. Then I forget about it as soon as I wake up in the late afternoon.
Moral of the story: Just do something, just go take the initiative to do something! Even if it’s something small like writing an email to a friend in the dark hours of the night, do it. And go to sleep.
Great list! I think it’s great that you are recognizing your fears and making an effort to do something about them!
Recently I posted on the topic of insignificance entitled The Significance of Insignificance. The times that we feel are the most insignificant can actually be some of the most significant times! There is so much that we cannot see in our lives. I love the story of the Chinese bamboo plant. For the first four years of it’s life there is almost no visible growth from the surface even though it’s being properly watered, fertilized and receiving the proper amount of sun. If the farmer didn’t know what was going on under the surface he would probably give up and not make it for four years. Under the surface it is developing a massive root structure going far and deep in all directions. Then comes the fifth year where it grows up to 80 feet with a visible growth of up to 48 inches per day! Without that massive root structure it could not grow that much!
Stopping by from SITS #31BBB (yours was the comment right above mine). I love your list. It’s pretty open and honest, especially considering your Fear #5. I think pictures always help break up the text because list readers tend to be skimmers and the photos will also help keep their eyes moving downward. Nice post!
What a great post! You were so honest and made yourself vulnerable. Keep up the great blogging! I’m doing the 31 Day challenge, too. We’re all learning together!
Yes, I am. So, far I am up to day. LOL!
Hey Steph:
Great post, I love how you have incorporated some visuals into your list post.. I am all about the pictures. I know you were asking for some advice on this in the forum and I think you have done a great job. The pictures relate closely to the topic you are discussing. The only things is it is hard to read the caption on your last image…although I could see why you didn’t make is bigger considering it is already a sizable image.
Thanks for sharing your fears… I can certainly relate to many of them!
Kristen
Thank you for your kind words Farda!
YAY for Problogger Challenge! Thank you for stopping by and you’re certainly right, we’re all in this together!
YAY for that!!!!
Oh thank you Kristen! I appreciate the comments and suggestions. And yes I will definitely start thinking more carefully about my consumer choices and update you on them.
[...] I promise to put up my review and thoughts about Perfume after breakfast. I actually enjoyed the movie and it gave me a lot to think about, I’m about to go hunt for a copy of the book and start dissecting the author’s opinion about humanity’s need for recognition from it – this ties into one of my fears. [...]
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I’m scared of snakes….hate them with a passion….ughhh..
Just perusing some of the archives. Wow, I’m really impressed at the how honestly and deliberately you’ve examined yourself here. Most people can’t bring themselves to do that, especially in such lucid terms. Self-knowledge is very powerful.
I can relate to every single one of these fears—except for being upside down. I’m not sure if that bothers me—but all the others certainly. There’s so much to say about all of these I wont try to do it all here. So, I’ll just choose…
Being insignificant.
When I was a little bit younger than I am now, I worried about this a lot. I was obsessed with the need to make a mark on the world, be remarkable; and I thought mediocrity was a fate worse than death.
Remember the girl in American Beauty who says “I don’t think there’s anything worse than being ordinary”?
Yeah, kind of like that.
Well, I still want to do those things, but my reasons for wanting them have changed completely. It’s no longer about gratifying the ego or trying to be better than anybody else. It’s no longer about trying to compensate for a feeling of emptiness or inadequacy. It’s about the satisfaction of seeing your ideas manifest in the world, and the deep fulfilment of a life lived on purpose.
I think part of the answer here, and also to the fear of dying with regrets, is to find your connection with a power that’s greater than your puny little ego. Find a knowing that there’s more to life than what you can see with your eyes, and more to yourself than flesh, blood and bone. Not in a self-effacing or chastising kind of way. In a very loving and accepting way.
When you start to see the world through those eyes, you’ll begin to realise you’re far greater than you ever imagined, and that you can even read these words is a miracle of mind-boggling proportions.
Sometimes that seems like a difficult journey, but it’s perhaps the most important one you’ll ever make. It really changes everything.
Thank you Lach ! I really appreciate how thoughtful you are and how much you
constantly challenge me to reexamine my previous beliefs.
Knowing there’s more to life than gratifiying my ego…that’s something I’ve
been trying to play with and balance out. I’m not very good at that, I
honestly do a lot of things to gratify my ego and to make myself feel good.
I’m trying more and more to move out of that space and learn that sometimes
it’s better to continue the wheel than to keep trying to reinvent it.
Cheers to life Lach !!!
Thank you Lach ! I really appreciate how thoughtful you are and how much you constantly challenge me to reexamine my previous beliefs.
Knowing there’s more to life than gratifiying my ego…that’s something I’ve been trying to play with and balance out. I’m not very good at that, I honestly do a lot of things to gratify my ego and to make myself feel good. I’m trying more and more to move out of that space and learn that sometimes it’s better to continue the wheel than to keep trying to reinvent it.
[...] also have an enormous fear of the unknown; I’m not that sort of person who embraces the unfamiliar well. Given that I’ve had [...]
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Great list and I think 9 is the fear as you. In particular, the feeling insignificant. I wish to take note of this world before leaving it in and does not feel like going to happen. Hmm … I think one, regret that the fear of fear.
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